Are you being controlled?

Are you in a relationship with a control freak?

You know what a control freak is, and you know if you are in a relationship with one (a friend, a parent, a child, someone you’re dating, a spouse). Oh, you might not have noticed it at first–controllers are so subtle. They flatter then demoralize. They expect you to trust them, yet they distrustfully follow your every move. They micromanage then heap upon you undeserved guilt when it’s impossible to please them. They squeeze out your friends and acquaintances. A few may even be physically abusive. They say they love you (and you, no doubt, love them) but they toy with your emotions and mind and suffocate your spirit.

The characteristics are many. Oh, and control freaks can be faithful church-goers too.

I’m extremely thankful for the non-controlling, beautiful relationships of those close to me, but I know control freaks and have witnessed the lives of those being controlled. While writing From Shards to Sea Glass I researched the controlling temperament extensively. A simple Internet search gives the above characteristics, scenarios, and more. Certain personality types tend toward being controlling, but, of course, many aren’t. Control freaks are actually insecure and fuel their pride by putting up a demanding front to make them feel better–usually to someone weaker in some way than them.

If you are in such a relationship, research the characteristics yourself then seek help and get away from it. Be strong! (“I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” Philippians 4:13) There are many groups available to help people get out of these relationships; however, I strongly encourage going to someone wise and trustworthy–someone who knows their Bible well. God may have high standards and wish Christians to be controlled by the Holy Spirit, but these are for our betterment, joy, and peace. There is no comparison between the heart of God and the heart of a control freak.

One of the biggest issues is recognizing a control freak.  So many finally distance themselves from a controlling relationship…then go right back into another one. I hope that if anyone who reads From Shards to Sea Glass is in a controlling relationship, they will realize they are and get help. And, hopefully it will prevent others from getting into such a relationship to begin with. It would make having written my book even more rewarding.

“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” II Timothy 1:7

 

Fence photo by Mitch Lensink on Unsplash

Birdcage photo by Deleece Cook on Unsplash

Knot photo by Jake Oates on Unsplash

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